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Apples for Alice

Well I dont know who I am at the moment you see

15 October
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At the moment I am working on this. I am neither Alice or her apple, just part of the disease. Fighting for the smallest goal to gain a little self controll - pharmacists and Ted Leo.

This is triggering, I do not promote eating disorders it's slow suicide, it is not beautiful but it is me, all of me. If you are here for tips or tricks turn back, I'm not interested in you. For those who do not wish to stumble upon something triggering I'm keeping this as leave a comment and I'll add you, I don't want to be the one that pushes another into disease. No 'wannarexics' no fakes. No judgement.

I am an anorexic that's fighting kidney failure, hospital is an annual occurrence. Again for those who want to read for tips or to learn to be anorexic TURN BACK NOW if you think anorexia is beautiful you are seriously troubled. do you know what anorexia is? Would you like to? it's blisters on paper thin skin. A bleeding scalp after washing or brushing your hair as it falls out in big fistfuls. It's extra hair on your stomach/back/face- pretty much everywhere you don't want it to keep your body warm. You will not be able to maintain relationships because they take time away from the disorder. You have no future as your period stops and your organs shut down. Do you like blue and purple? You had better because that's the color your skin turns if you venture away from the heater. You will forget what happiness is, you will get so frustraited in the supermarket that you will knock over an entire shelf while screaming "I can't do this" you will forget how to cry for months then suddenly crash and burn and want to die. You will get dizzy each time you move, blackout when you stand, wake up on the floor with cuts and bruises. But you will be used to cuts and bruises as each time you sit, each time your knees bump together, each time somebody touches you or gives you a hug you will bruise, your skin will get so sore and dry that it will split and blister. Want to stabalise for a while? Well you cant just start eating, eating again could kill you as your bodys not used to it, so you will have to fork out $300 every 12 days for suplements ensure/fortisip/hospital strength sustigen, you won't have money for clothes or gifts or the everyday things your used to. Ever been to an eating disorder unit? So much fun, 6am wake ups for blind weights and obs, each meal-mouthful-crumb monitored, they watch you eat-drink-piss-shower. Then comes the fun, organ failure, portable heart monitors, nasal gastric tubes, your very own IV poll displaying bags of saline, potassium and magnesium, all slowly dripping into your skin through a needle and a new group of bruises from trying to find a good vein for the needle. Hospital becomes more common then home. Welcome to my hell. Still want to be an anorexic?

This picture is me and pretty much sums up my current view on food, please do not copy or redistribute this <3